Bubba Might ‘a said

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas , Colorado , Kansas, Oklahoma , New Mexico , Wyoming ,  Montana , Utah , Idaho, Nevada
and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked
3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get  dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle.. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10, I-40, I-70 and I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept…
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah.. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

People that I feel were good Bubba’s

“All that’s necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” 
  Benjamin Franklin 

“No man who refuses to bear arms in defense of his nation can give a sound reason why he  should be allowed to live in a free country”   
 T. Roosevelt

“The democracy will cease to exist when  you take away from those who are willing to  work and give to those who are not.” 
  Thomas Jefferson

”Life’s tough……it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”
John Wayne

‘It doesn’t matter how big a ranch ya’ own, or how many cows ya’ brand, the size of your funeral is still gonna to depend on the weather.’
Harry Truman

More Sayin’s

‘You can say what you want about the South, but
I ain’t never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, ‘Got any I.D.?’
The driver replied, ‘Bout whut?

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, ‘Bubba, somebody just stole y our pickup truck from the parking lot!’
Bubba replied, ‘Did you see who it was?’
The young man answered, ‘I couldn’t tell, but I got his license number

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. ‘Where’s Henry?’ the others asked.
‘Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,’ the successful hunter replied.
‘You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?’ they inquired.
‘A tough call,’ nodded the hunter. ‘But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!’

Ghost Sex ~ A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’
About 90 students raise their hands.
‘Well, that’s a good start.
Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’
About 40 students raise their hands.
‘That’s really good.  I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’
About 15 students raise their hand.
‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’
Three students raise their hands.
‘That’s fantastic.  Now let me ask you one question further…
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been
giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
‘So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’
Bubba replied…. ‘Shiiiiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said ‘Goats..

‘Friendship’ Poems

1. When you are sad –I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!
2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile — I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you’re scared — we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused — I will use little words.
7. When you are sick –Stay away from me until you are well again.  I don’t want whatever you have.
8. When you fall — I’ll pick you up and dust you off–After I laugh my butt off!!

This is my oath…I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask — because you are my FRIEND

Bubba’s Family

THEY DID IT RIGHT IN THE OLE DAYS
This is great advice! (Enjoy the picture – an awesome pencil drawing!)

  Bubba’s Dad’s Advice:

•  Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
•  Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
•  Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
•  A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
•  Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
•  Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
•  Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads
•  Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
•  It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
•  You cannot unsay a cruel word.
•  Every path has a few puddles.
•  When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
•  The best sermons are lived, not preached.
•  Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
•  Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
•  Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
•  Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
•  Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
•  Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
•  If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
  
•  Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
  
•  The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.’
•  Always drink upstream from the herd.
•  Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
  
•  Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
•  If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
•  Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
• Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
• Most times, it just gets down to common sense.

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Bubbas Mom

A federal census taker in a rural area of Kentucky went up to a farmhouse and knocked.
When Mom, an elderly woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.
She said, “Les’ see now, there’s the twins James & John; they will be forty-two next week, next came the twins Sam & Pam, they are thirty-nine, the twins Sally & Billy, they’re thirty-seven.
When we had the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re thirty-four, and lastly the twins, Penny & Jenny, they’re twenty-nine.”
“Hold on!” said the census taker, “Five sets of twins, did you get twins EVERY time?”
Mom answered, “Heck no! There were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin.”

Bubbas Uncles

Uncle Will Rogers

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has  known

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . . neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~  One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old

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Bubbas Brothers
(or Cousins Don’t know for sure)

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sittin’ on the front porch when a large truck
hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.
“I’m gonna do dat when I win the lottery,” said Bubba.
“Do what?” asked Johnny Ray.
“Send my grass out to be mowed.”

Cousins

Cousin Larry

Wisdoms

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

   2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

   3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

   4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

   5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

   6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

   7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets The cheese in the trap.

   9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

   10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

   11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

   12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

   13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

   14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

   15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

   16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

   17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

   18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

   19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

   20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

   21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

   22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

   23. Light travels faster than sound.. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. . it’s more like a jar of jalapenos..  What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow

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Cousins Cooter, Donnie and Chris

Three Cousins were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Donnie and Chris.  As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Donnie says, “Well, darn, someone should go and tell his wife.”
Chris says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.” Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser..
Donnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Chris?”
“Cooter’s wife gave it to me,” Chris replies.
“That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?” “Well, not exactly,” Chris says. “When she answered the door,  I said to her, you must be Cooter’s widow.”
She said, “You must be mistaken.  I’m not a widow.” Then I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.”

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Cousin Dave and Cousin Rebecca 🙂

Copied from the Tennessee Ridge Gazette

Uncle Buddy & Edna

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Buddy would say, ‘Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’
Edna always replied, ‘I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks’
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, ‘Edna, I’m 85 years old… If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’
To this, Edna replied, “Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”
The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’
Buddy replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know, “Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

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Bubba converted to Catholic

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba’s neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their
priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.”

Bubba’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: “You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish”.

Turtle Hunter

Bare handed Snapping Turtle Hunter:
Be sure to catch the  comment about how he lost his teeth.

Turtle Man catches Ground Hog

Turtle Man Catches Fox

Turtle Man Catches Possum

Turtle Man Catches Big Turtle

Turtle Man Catches a Racoon
I want to see THAT video. This guy is nuts!
This is a genuine redneck performance.
It doesn’t get much redder than this..!

Bubbas City Slicker Uncle

George
(Proud to be a Bubba)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.
Remember, to say, ‘ I love you ‘ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away
Uncle George Carlin ( Bless his sole)

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Bubbas Cute Little Ass

Bubbas Security Service

Have gun, will travel

$100 per hour (and all we shoot J)
** not responsible for lead poising
or scatter gun sprinkles
1-800-IGit’erdone  www.BSS.com

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Bubba Stories

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: ‘California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.’
One week later, The Redneck Rebel Gazette in Lexington, Kentucky reported the following: ‘After digging as deep as 30 feet in an empty field near Lexington, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago,  Kentucky had already gone wireless

Bubba Games

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Bubba Recipes

With prices rising at the grocery store and who knows what’s coming next out of Washington,  it’s good to know we’ve got “Options !”

This here is some good eatin !

Click here: POSSUM CASSEROLE

Click here: Redneck Possum

Click here: Baked Possum Recipe @ CDKitchen

And,  While You’re at it…..

Click here: Raccoon Recipes

Bubba Destinations

Great Hamburger Joints will make you smile at the very least.
It will probably make you shake your head too.  Those of you into fat………..And YES shake.
For those of you who are not…………And NO & WHY shake.

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Good Ole Days

the Eighties

the Seventies  

the Sixties 

the Fifties

the Forties

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