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Kentucky Declares War on the USA - ONLY IN Kentucky !!!!!!!

President Donald Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Trump” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, Hootin Hollar, Kentucky, and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Trump replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Billy Joe, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Donald paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Donald asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Billy Bob’s farm tractor."

President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Donald. "Why the sudden change of heart?"  

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."



You know you're a Floridian if....
Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.
You've driven through Heehaw Junction.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread love bug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
'Down South' means Key West
Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church  
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You have a bumper sticker: 'This car climbed Mount Dora ', and you know where and what Mt Dora is.
You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You can pronounce Okeechobee and Kissimmee....
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.
You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba. '
You'll not only forward this but you understand it!

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